I've been at it for two days now and I think I'm starting to scratch the surface.

What does love feel like... is it different for everyone? Where does it originate... is it something experienced entirely within a person's consciousness? Perhaps love is something we create within ourselves, something that we must take responsibility for. Can a man make himself feel loved, or force himself to love others? Or maybe it's something that is given to us, something that we must learn to receive. Like maybe love is created in the giving of it and we never really posses it until we receive it from someone else. Does that put us at the mercy of others for us to know love? It could be some combination, some midpoint... or some simultaneously existing extremes.

Or does love have some meaning that lies outside any single consciousness, something that is created in the space where the consciousnesses meet. Like, love is the spark born from the friction of human interaction (or some bull shit like that), and there are no givers or receivers, only co-creators. Does love have substance? Does it weigh anything? Are there any physical differences in one that is loved or that loves and one who is not or does not? Is it something spiritual or is it merely messages firing in some central nervous system that has been introduced to certain stimuli? Can the nervous system be tricked... or lied to? If the messages are firing and the chemicals are flowing is it Love regardless of what is setting them off? And what are the side effects of this kind of counter fitting? Maybe love itself is a cocktail of other emotions. A mixture of other ideas and virtues. The balancing point on the scale of intention and action... or the simultaneous presence of both intention and action.

Is love a fondness we develop for one another or just some sort of dependency? Is it a search for something constant something or someone that will never leave us? Do we love because people are in our life or do we keep them in our life because we love them. Do we love people because of who they are or because of how they define who we are?

Does anyone really have any idea of what this word means? LOVE. Is it important... Really? Important enough to define, to understand, to at least comprehend on some level. Or is it one of those things that defies definition but that we recognize at once like the taste of salt, or the feeling of warmth. It's beginning to scare me that something so many people use as their guide for making life decisions and as their measuring stick for morality can be so incomprehensible. Can everyone else be as lost as I am? They must have answers...

Can love be broken? Can you deny it so many times it just goes away? Can you betray it so many times you lose the capacity to produce it? Can you ever really have to much? Can you ever really have not enough? Not enough for what? Will a person shrivel up and die if he does not have enough love? If a person does have enough is he guaranteed to be happy? What makes one feel loved? How does one show love? Throughout my entire existence, have I ever really loved another person other than myself... Have I ever really loved myself? Is there a point? Would the world stop without it? Is it a trick that biology has developed to ensure the ensuing generation? Perhaps love is just an acknowledgment of value. Or even an expression of faith in a person's ability to develop value.

No matter how much I think about love or write about love or try to feel love or show it, I just don't know what it is I am doing, feeling, searching for. In my heart, I can only find questions, no answers. Questions are invaluable as they are always the first step towards knowledge but when they are all you have they tend to take up a lot of space and somehow leave it empty. And what is an answer anyway. I guess the kind I'm looking for are the kind that change things. The kind that move you in some sort of non circular direction. I am an American after all, I'd love it if I could find some blocks that would start to fit together in some cause and effect sort of fashion... at this point I'd take anything.



Most recently watched:
Don't Worry, I'm Fine ( Je vais bien, ne t'en fais pas ) [ NON-USA FORMAT, PAL, Reg.2 Import - France ]

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